Unwanted Fear…
Sometimes it feels like you are at the end of something, but you don’t quite know what it is ; I know it doesn’t makes sense.
Let me try to tell you about my predicament, I have been reading books for a while now, I read my first book when I was 14,it was “The autobiography of Malcolm-X”, it was a real shocker for me, well you can imagine how a 14 year old me felt when he read about how in the mid 19s black people were treated in America and the shit they had to deal with to get even a white collar job, Malcolm was a black rights activist, who died at the age of 40(1960), gunned down in-front of his wife and children, while he was preaching so called “hate”…sad.
My second book was a physics one “A brief history of time”, it mostly explained the laws of nature but also little about the author “Stephen hawking”, now almost everyone knows the story of Hawking, the great things he did( most notable “hawking radiation”) even tho he was diagnosed with ASL(motor neuron disease), he was 21 when he got the news, he was given two years to live (rest is history), he lived up to 70 years, got married twice and had beautiful children with his first wife.
Now the list goes now, third book was “think and grow rich”, it’s mostly based on like how you can achieve success in life whether it is through making a lot of money(which it is mostly based on) it tells you about so many great men, all of them had their fair share of issues but they all came through.
After this I read a few other “popular” physics books, some more autobiographies, books on startups and some finance books , oh how can you forget about the “self help” books(yeah I have also read a few).
Okay, now about my so called “unwanted fear”( IK ,every fear is unwanted, the name was sounding cool, so I used it) when I read about these great men I just told you about, I don’t think I can give my life for a cause, I don’t think I can ever fight a battle both internally with a disease and face the world at the same time, I’m too much of a wimp, and I’m not degrading myself, I’m being completely honest about myself, I’m scared of people who talk of revolution(because people die, bodies pile up) even if you achieve something good in the end, and sometimes I think these were the people who were successful and they made it into these books, what about the whole library(such a thing doesn’t exist ) of books on people who never “made it”, what if I became a part of this “forgotten library”.
“I fear that I’m gonna spend my whole life reading about great men and I myself will not achieve anything worth remembering me for”
